"Melissa...if this makes sense, I feel like you are where you were going."

My dear friend Jesse couldn't have more perfectly nailed down verbally what I've been feeling about this place.  It is small pieces of conversations & snapshots of different experiences that keep telling me I am exactly where the Lord wants me to be. That small apartment in freezing Minnesota seems like a different lifetime, that little tree-shaded duplex in Nashville seems like something from a movie, that house in Murfreesboro where I used to journal by the river as the sun came up seems so far off, & that hill on the edge of a small town Nebraska near the house I grew up in where I used to sit & think about what my life would be like seems like worlds away - but all of these places were parts of my life leading up to where I am in the here & now.  And I am thankful for every bit of it. Every place. Every person. It just strikes me this morning as so beautiful. God is so good that He has used even the seemingly most meaningless things in my life for good. He has used downright evil things that I have done, or that have been done to me - to change me, to mold me, to let me know His love & to let His love be known to others through me.  That knocks the breath outta me.


A little over a year ago, I was contemplating marrying the guy I was dating. Don't get me wrong, he was a good guy, but I am SO glad God allowed that relationship to fall apart.  In a way, I feel like my life has been a constant pattern of falling apart to fall into place, if that makes sense.  Through this, God has changed my priorites, brought me back to Him & who I am in Him, and re-focused my mind & heart on the passions He gave me. I find all of this terribly ironic, and I have to laugh to myself, because of all people, I am such a lover.  I am probably one of the world's most affectionate people - unless I don't know you well, then please never touch me (haha, seriously though), and have a huge heart for anyone & everyone. The people in my life are my most cherished of things, second to the Lord.  I have always had it deep in my heart to be a wife - no, not just to marry a role, or fill the empty space next to me in my bed - but to be HIS wife. His, meaning my dude...MY dude. The dude that God is currently putting through all sorts of whoknowswhat to be prepared to spend his life with me.  I want to be his best friend, share everything together, take care of him, love him & serve him with all my heart.  That is an awesome passion that is completely God-given. However, in the past, I have put my other passions aside & chased this one - a horrible idea, ladies. Again, a HORRIBLE idea. Why? Because instead of going with the flow & making healthy decisions, you start this pattern of pointing at something & praying for that something to somehow be God's will for you.  When you think about it, that is incredibly arrogant & selfish....and ultimately destructive.  If God wouldn't have kicked me in the teeth with some good 'ol fashioned truth (...ok, God, and my Mama & a few of my closest girlfriends)....I could be married & miserable right now.  Now, before my married friends reading this take offense to that - let me be perfectly clear in saying that I understand that everyone's path is different - and if you are married, I am beyond stoked for you; what I'm saying is that in MY specific case, if I had essentially taken what I thought I wanted and kept ignoring God's guidance, I would be miserable now.  Why? Because I thought I knew what was best.  I was prideful & arrogant & consumed with what I wanted my life to look like, but in all of this, I had neglected all of my other passions that are equally as important.  In my time of singleness, God has really grown me & worked on my pride & healed a ton of stuff that I'd just shoved into the back of my heart in hopes that it would just go away. Not only is that beneficial to me, but I have a feeling that whoever my proverbial dude is will definitely appreciate the time taken to mature.  Now, a little over a year later, I am starting an awesome ministry that has God's fingerprints ALL over it, working for a great company & able to make a living WHILE doing what I love, and also taking time to work on little hobbies I enjoy like practicing guitar & piano, brushing up on Spanish & learning Russian, writing, and exercising.  My point in all this jibber jabber is that the verse in the Bible that talks about a man planning his way, but the Lord directing his steps - it's true. And it's awesome.

And I love that God took some things that I really desired & allowed them to be totally obliterated to make a way for something far better.  I have never felt more like myself than I do these days. Why? Because God knows me better than I know myself. And it feels SO good to look back to one side of the mountain and see myself devastated, distraught, with my face in my hands telling God I don't understand...........and know that I'm on the other side of the mountain now, and finally saying....God, I get it. And You were right.

So let this be an encouragement to you....

 God won't always spare you a broken heart.

He won't always spare you hardship.

He won't always give you what you ask for.

He might take away something you loved with all your heart.

And He has a right to do all those things.



But He also sees everything, while you & I hold one piece of a giant masterpiece of a puzzle. And He formed you - your outsides, your heart, your brain - He knows you & what's more, He adores you.

So even if the bottom does fall out, my friend, take heart.  He's got you, & nothing & no one can snatch you out of His strong, tender hands.